His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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