Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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