Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
