I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize