it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
