Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
