I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize