Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
