I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
