I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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