When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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