A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
