Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
