my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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