Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
