he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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