I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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