I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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