I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
