Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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