I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize