this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
