my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
