the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im holly from the hills drunk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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