Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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