Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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