He kissed a someone with a penis
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
