3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
