she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
