Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize