Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
