hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
