I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
