we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
