i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
