we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
