I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
