he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
