Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
