Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
