Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
