She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
