i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
