im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
