i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
