when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
