I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
