we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
