Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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