How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
