watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
