Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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