i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
