Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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