woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
