He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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