UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
