Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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