Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
