she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
