I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
