Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The air was thick with penises
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
