I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I lost the right to judge tonight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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